Twilight in a Nutshell
by VannRamos
Summary: A song fic parody of what happens in Twilight. Great laughs in my opinion.


**I very much so do not own these characters. The credits go to Stephenie Meyer. Great character writer and pretty good plot artist. All I am doing here is pointing out specific points in the plot. No real harm meant by it. :D  
Song lyrics are "Calling You" By Blue October. Great song. Look it up... But the music video is weird...**

* * *

_There's something that I can't quite explain  
I'm so in love with you  
you'll never take that away_

A copper haired Edward Cullen strode the hallways of Forks Washington High School like he owned the place. More like every one of his brothers and sisters owned the place. From the very moment the vampire walked into the cafeteria and set eyes upon brown haired Bella Swan he was moved to the bare bones of his thoughts (and the thoughts of those around him (besides Bella's)). He questioned the outstanding ability of Bella's hard core broken mind. Why wasn't he able to penetrate her mind as he was able to others? That was the question of the day until a fate filled biology class in which he took one whiff of her sent and almost threw up in agony. She was beautiful.

_And if I said a hundred times before  
expect a thousand more  
you never take that away_

Edward, a 17 year old from the nineteenth century, ran away in the fit of distress towards the tantalizing sent of Bella's pale Arizonan face. Soon after, Carlisle and his home made family, forced Edward back to face his best and worst non-sleeping nightmare: (the aroma of) Bella. He quickly turned to liking the excruciating feeling of her alluring smell tracing down this nostrils into his airless lungs. The copper haired male promptly started to make his way into her chambers at night to stare delectably at his future girlfriend. One day Bella confronted Edward about his endearing love for her and they together set their Facebook status to "going out with Bella/Edward."

Well expect me to be  
calling you to see  
if you're ok when I'm not around  
asking if you love me  
I love the way you make it sound  
calling you to see  
do I try too hard to make you smile  
to make a smile

Bella and Edward flourished together, creating havoc for the werewolves down in La Push. They kissed and hugged and Bella ate Edwards cooking. He even invited her to meet his family. It came over wonderfully as Carlisle and the gang loved her (besides Rosalie). All five of the Cullens plus Jasper and Rosalie Hale and Bella Swan walked/drove to a deserted area to play baseball. Sadly, a tracker vampire found them and wanted Bella for his own sick pleasures. Edward became furious. He wanted Bella for his own sick pleasures, all to himself.

well I will keep calling you to see  
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and  
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me  
I cant believe  
you actually picked...me

The two love birds separate as Jasper and Alice take Bella back to Arizona (fighting the sun of course in fear of their sparkly fate). Carlisle, Edward and the rest try to hunt down the tracker to kill him before getting to Edwards only girlfriend. As brown haired and doe eyed Bella awaits calls from her benevolent boyfriend, she receives a call from the tracker. He tells Bella he has her mother trapped and ready to kill unless she comes down to her old place of ballerina training.

I thought that the world had lost its sway  
(its so hard sometimes)  
then I fell in love with you  
(then came you)  
and you took that away  
(its not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)  
you take away the old  
show me the new  
and I feel like I can fly  
when I stand next to you  
so what if I'm on this phone  
a hundred miles from home  
I take the words you gave  
and send them back to you

Brown haired Bella finds her way via taxi cab to her old ballet studio. It is full of scary mirrors, just like the vision Alice had only moments prior to Bella sneaking out. She finds the tracker, although not her mother because he tricked her into believe that her mother was there. After much screaming and yelling, the tracker attacks Bella and ends up breaking her leg and biting her before Edward saves the day. Bella then falls into a deep fit of unconsciousness and does not wake up until after her beloved boyfriend nearly kills her. 

I only want to see  
if you're ok when I'm not around  
asking if you love me  
I love the way you make it sound  
calling you to see  
do I try too hard to make you smile  
to make a smile

Once Bella wakes up, she finds Edward "sleeping" on the couch beside her hospital bed. Her mother is there and awfully worried (as she should be) over Bella's incident of tripping down a flight of stairs and nearly killing herself. Once the doe eyed girl tells her mother to calm down and go away, she talks with Edward. Edward, a stiff sleeper, instantly wakes and tells her that he will be leaving her because he could never see Bella hurt again. Obviously, Edward plus Bella equals Bella in pain. Although Bella does not understand this common equation and cries out for him to never leave her. He agrees and they kiss. 

I will keep calling you to see  
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and  
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me  
I cant believe  
you actually picked...me

Finally, Bella and Edwards become the two love birds of everyone's dreams reunited going to a Junior Prom. She wears an expensive French dress while he wears a tuxedo and a tie to match. They whisper sweet nothings into each others ears and they kiss one more time, ending with a happily ever after (until New Moon)._  
_


End file.
